i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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