I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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