Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
