you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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