the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
