I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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