i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
