i wish my penis had a tongue
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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