she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
