Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
