After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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