:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
