I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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