If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
