i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
