I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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