I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
