I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
