im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Pants are for mortals
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
