there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
