pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
