I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
