Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
