Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
