I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Randomize
