i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
