My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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