Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Success! We fucked roommates!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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