Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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