I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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