That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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