I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm like, not good at living.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
