it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
