Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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