kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
