i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
