I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
