I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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