My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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