It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
