I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
