ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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