so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
