This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I think people are normalizing furries
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
