I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
