I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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