I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
