strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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