So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
