3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
my penis made a compromise with my morals
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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