last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
