you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
