I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
