No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
