I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The beer is more important than you right now.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
