Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
