every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
