im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
