you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
