FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
